indiana jones and the wish it remained a trilogy SPOILER ALERT!!! (but really who cares)

i was going to review EXTREME PIZZA!!! first, but i'm at work and i dont really have access to the crappy notes i made on a napkin about it... so heeeeeere's indy!

it was terrible. i want my money back, AMC theater in emeryville. and your mall sucks because all your restaurants were closed by the time the movie was over before 11. you made the experience even worse by closing at a non-realistic hour.

back to the movie. it was bad. harrison ford looked like he didnt want to be there, his voice sounded really weird, like he is still Star Wars - age. shia lebeouf is a good actor, but there's no way he's indiana jones' kid... c'mon, he has the body of a junior high school boy!!! ill admit there's a certain cheesy funniness to the movie, like the previous indy's, but those moments were so often that the movie never really had a serious feel about it, there were no moments where the movie conveyed a dire sense of peril. one such scene that was supposed to do that was with the ants... but it ended up looking fake and more funny that scary. it is really surprising that with today's CG tech, especially with LucasArts, that the animals, the effects, the backgrounds lacked any sense of realism (not to mention the plot). fuck, even the people looked fake, there wasnt much blood, and i dont think anyone other than the chubby triple agent had sweat glands.

ill have to agree with racle that the idea behind the plot was solid. aliens spreading knowledge to human civilization during that time period is a pretty convincing theory as to how the human race was able to advance itself so rapidly in such a short period of time., especially in quasi-scientific areas. nevertheless, lucas and spielberg still managed to come up with a plot thats convoluted and weak. the ending... was terrible. im going to spoil it, itll save someone 11bux. the aliens are in fact archaeologists, just like indy!!! and they find their little treasure trove of treasures from all the different human civilizations. and there's this throne room and the crystal skull gets put back on a body, and the whole place was actually a spaceship which disappears and there's a big CG effect of water filling up the giant whole where the ship was and creating waterfalls that lead to this basin... and the commies die, the head commie lady gets all the knowledge she wants, but then the stupid alien disintegrates her, for some unknown reason. bam.

overall, this movie was bad. i dont recommend watching it in theaters, so maybe rent it when its out on dvd. if you've ever seen the Spielberg ending to Stanley Kubrick's A.I., this movie is basically a 2 hour version of that. or StarWars:E 1&2... basically, south park was right... spielberg and lucas MUST BE STOPPED!!!


good: cate blanchett, swordfight, great picture of Sean Connery on desk
bad: plot, effects, lack of peril